From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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