tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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