So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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