Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize