I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
