the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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