Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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