Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
