he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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