Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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