so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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