ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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