Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
