so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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