Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
