It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
