And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
