LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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