I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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