why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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