Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
