I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
