I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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