Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize