Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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