I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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