I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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