Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
