you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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