you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
