In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
