I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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