After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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