me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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