Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
