what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
