You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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