Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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