I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
