omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
