I can text with my tongue
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
