don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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