I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i need some magic done to my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
