My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
