I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we should paint friendship bongs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
