I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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