when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
