yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
