just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
