If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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