my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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