Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
