Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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