ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
