how can u be prego again
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
