Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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