party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize