Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize