Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
