My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
